It’s been over three months since my last post on this blog. Ironically the previous story- When Bad Things Happen- proved prescient for my life as the days turned into months. Here we are in 2019. This will be a year of change for many of us and some things we are not going to like as it happens. That’s a given for any situation. Settle in with a cup of tea and allow me to provide you with an overview of my life since we spoke all those months before.
A few days after my last post, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with bladder cancer. To be sure she has had other life-threatening issues over her 86 years but this illness was one she wasn’t sure she wanted to come back from. I’ve known her for the last 28 of those years now and have always been amazed at her health and diligence in keeping it. She lives alone in a rural mountain town working on her art and doing community service. My husband is her only child, and we live on the other side of that mountain 1 ½ hours away in good weather.
After two surgeries in three months, countless doctor appointments, and hundreds of miles driven between our two homes she is physically doing well with immunotherapy treatment. Mentally and spiritually she is regretting calling 911 when she nearly bled out at home the day she was rushed to the hospital. I love this woman who has been my mother for all these years, and I feel compassion for her plight. She only wants to talk about “when she is no longer here” and what needs to be done before the day that happens. She is not sad or angry. She seems to look forward to that time.
In the middle of this, I had to undergo lithotripsy for a 7mm stone in the left kidney. Earlier last year I had a 3mm one that became stuck in the right ureter. Allowing time for myself was necessary but difficult to feel right about. The old mantra of “others are worse off than me” tried to return with its litany of hit tunes. I managed to shush its fears and remind it that I am part of the “others” I care about.
Just as I was nearly recovered from that procedure, my cousin’s husband died suddenly after only being in the family for two years. Deb’s previous longtime mate passed away after an extended illness just three years before. I traveled down to Florida to be with her for several days as I had done when Clint died. The emotional toll of these various events was catching up with me. I was exhausted and in need of support but where do you turn when the people you count on are in the same boat with you?
As if this wasn’t enough, one of my grand-dogs contracted Lyme disease and went into kidney failure. My son’s family were heartbroken to lose Stella who was still a young dog and so much a part of their lives. My husband and I lost our little companion two years ago, and the wound feels fresh at times like these. My granddaughters cling to Stella’s adopted brother, Rusty and fret over his age and impending blindness. We may lose another dear friend in the coming months.
It was fortunate these events happened in a consecutive manner instead of all on the same day or even the same week! Scattered as they were made them a bit easier to deal with from a logistical perspective but the building up of emotional trauma blocked my ability to write until now. I am one who needs quiet time to process events. My life has been far from quiet these past months.
This incoming year will see more of this unquiet time. I have aging parents in ill health along with my mom-in-law. We may experience a move from our present residence, and my own health issues seem to be a continuing thing for 2019. We will handle these changes when they arrive as we have done in the past. Doubtless, you will endure the changes headed your way as well. May we bend without breaking in all our endeavors.
In my book- Metaphysical Girl: How I Recovered My Mental Health- I faced many challenges. Some of this was due to the medical system, some to family strife but much due to my own procrastination in taking responsibility for my own recovery. To read my story, purchase the book on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or Kobo. My hope is that you are inspired to take charge of your health and your life.
2 thoughts on “My 116 Day Hiatus”
I know your family is so thankful to have you in their life, Cathy.
You’re a sweetie, Terri!